Episode #99 – The Three Musketeers

If there’s one thing The Three Musketeers needed, it’s Milla Jovovich in a cleavage-increasing-girdle sliding down a hall, while darts shoot from booby traps on both sides.  Meanwhile, Stuart revises his meat metaphor, Elliott makes the list for his “Preposition Film Festival,” and Dan gets sassy with the fans.

0:00 – 0:36 – Introduction and theme.
0:37 – 5:37 – We discuss In Time’s “Olivia Wildegate” scandal
5:38 – 34:34 – The Three Musketeers has inspired at least twenty full-length film adaptations and many more sequels, shorts, and cartoons. It is timeless tale, impossible to ruin. This film does its damnedest.
34:35 – 38:19 – Final judgements
38:20 – 51:20 – Flop House Movie Mailbag
51:21 – 1:00:09  – Our longest recommendations in a while
1:00:10 – 1:03:00 – Plugs, theme, and outtakes.

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Wikipedia synopsis of The Three Musketeers

Flop House Plugs Corner

Watch this space for more information about the Flop House’s third LIVE EVENT (produced by folks from the excellent zine, I Love Bad Movies) on June 8 at 92Y Tribeca.

On April 13, at 8 pm, Dan will be making an appearance at King’s County Comedy Hour at Vaudeville Park in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.  It’s a comedy showcase hosted by the very funny Matt Koff and Meghan O’Neill (both former Flop House guest hosts).  Be there if you like enjoying things!

Here’s that Rear Window video Dan was yapping about.

Rear Window Timelapse from Jeff Desom on Vimeo.

H.O.T.S.! H.O.T.S.! H.O.T.S.! H.O.T.S.! H.O.T.S.! H.O.T.S.! H.O.T.S.!

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April 7th, 2012



  1. I hate to point this out, but Milady was actually Porthos’ mom. Weird how you keep making mistakes like this episode after episode.

  2. EmilyRSVP says:

    I remember that I saw this interview in a waiting room on the day it aired so the only thing I knew before watching “In Time” was that Olivia Wilde was his mom although I wish I knew how awful it was and should have just watch “Gattaca” again.
    It’s kind of funny how Olivia Wilde is telling Ellen DeGeneres about how she was doing this layered performance playing a 50-year-old with a body that hasn’t aged since her 25th birthday and playing this maternal vibe towards Justin Timberlake. Guess we can assume that she failed.

  3. blooptaabi says:

    Hilarious gibberish again, you guys! I actually went and watched this steaming pile because I could not believe that all the things you described could be as boring as you said. I should have believed it. In addition to everything looking like a ridiculous cartoon, the actors all sound like they learned their lines phonetically and have no idea what the words mean.
    On the subject of words, I also couldn’t help but wonder if there are other words that sound like the ones you guys used? If only there were some sort of online database of such things! Anyway, you don’t seem to have missed any completely inconsequential details from the first five minutes, so you guys are safe from my fiery internet ire… for now! In the words of that famous hip-flop group Flop House of Pain: “Everybody flop around!”

  4. EmilyRSVP says:

    I actually discovered the Flop House from a tweet from @aduralde so glad for all the Internet critism.

    Wonder how the pick their films. “Joyful Noise” seems like total Flop House film.

  5. wildride says:

    Of course the real problem with this version of the film was a lack of a wire work, kung fu ladder scene, as described so meticulously in the source material.

  6. Wildride says:

    … Also, what happened to the scene where female D’Artagnan resolve the plot with a fight with Milady that leads to sex and she sneaks the emeralds out by swallowing them and pooping them out later?

  7. elsiekate says:

    is it me or was orlando bloom channeling johnny depp/captain jack sparrow? (i watched a bunch of youtube clips of bloom as buckingham and thought of depp right away.)

  8. elsiekate says:

    did i try to post this before, or dream it? i had the thought that orlando bloom was channeling johnny depp as captain jack sparrow in his performance in this movie.

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