Despite being one of the more nothing movies we’ve ever watched, we somehow crap out what we believe to be our longest episode with G.I. Joe: Retaliation. It’s a living. Meanwhile, Dan and Elliott explain what “G.I. Joe” means, and develop President Ziggy, and Stuart reveals he’s an evil land developer.
We discuss Easy Rider: The Ride Back, an object lesson in why you should never let a movie’s sequel rights lapse. Meanwhile Dan explains the Flop House fan caste system, Elliott puts the “bar” in barter, and Stuart knows nothing about robots.
1980 was a simpler time, when you could put Clint Eastwood together with an orangutan, not bother to come up with a story, and release it as a major motion picture
We talk about Grudge Match, the movie that pretends DeNiro has a chance against steroidal Stallone. Meanwhile Dan discusses Kevin Hart’s need to do only Kevin-branded movies, Elliott uncovers Sean Connery’s strange belief he’s in every movie, and one of Stu’s relatives makes an unexpected appearance.
Han Solo vs. Commissioner Gordon sounds awesome, until you realize the star of Paranoia is actually a Hemsworth brother. And not the good one. Meanwhile Elliott doubles down on the size of Gary Oldman’s penis, Stuart disturbs us by talking about intimate times and Dan introduces the notion of a California Raisins fetish.
We return to a big, old-fashioned Hollywood flop with Gangster Squad, the movie that takes a bunch of good actors and a promising director and churns out a film thats absurd and deadly dull by turns. Meanwhile Elliott gives Hoagie Carmichael gift advice, Stuart comes out for cast awareness, and Dan is tired and really doesn’t keep up his end of the co-hosting duties. This episode brought to you by the letter “H.”
In which Dan makes the mistake of thinking that, because Renny Harlin directed Devil’s Pass, it would be crazy and weird, rather than draggy and significantly more boring than reading the Wikipedia page about the real Dyatlov Pass incident. Then, we forgo letters and recommendations to offer a condensed version of our usual Awards Floptacular, because no one (including us) really cared much about the Awards Floptacular anyway.
Consider our debt to “He’s the Housecat (Arthur’s Theme)” music video contest winner Dan Costales paid in full! Was it worth it Dan? Was if worth the pain you caused? Making us watch the pre-Oscar Halle Berry racist stereotype comedy “B*A*P*S?” Meanwhile Elliott continually implies Martin Landau is a vampire, Stuart reveals how all males are sexually threatened by him, and Dan suggests that the Crypt Keeper should’ve come up with a better B*A*P*S twist.
