The Flop House

Episode #95 - Trespass

2012-01-28T10:07:00.000-08:00

Suppose they gave a Nicholas Cage-Nicole Kidman movie, and nobody came? The answer: Joel Schumacher's Trespass. Meanwhile Elliott reveals the other podcasts in our podcasting empire, Zhubin steals the love of our fans, and Dan lashes out about his verbal shortcomings.

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme.
0:34 - 6:41 - We introduce our special guest, fellow Daily Show writer Zhubin Parang, and extend thanks to all who came to the live show.
6:42 - 37:15 - We discuss Nic Cage's latest Flop House joint, Trespass, which approached Delgo levels of failure.
37:16 - 39:50 - Final judgments
39:51 - 52:55 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
52:56 - 57:00 - The sad bastards recommend.
57:01 - 59:27- Frackcast, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

Paste theflophouse.libsyn.com/rss into iTunes (or your favorite podcatching software) to have new episodes of The Flop House delivered to you directly, as they're released.

Wikipedia synopsis of Trespass.

Flop House Plugs Corner

Elliott screens Dead End at 92Y Tribeca.
Wednesday, February 1 at 7:30 pm
92YTribeca SCREENING ROOM
200 Hudson Street, NY, NY
$12

FLOP HOUSE LIVE 2: THROUGH THE PORT HOLE OF TIME

2012-01-16T06:07:00.000-08:00

This Friday! For those who haven't heard already, I'll let event producer and co-host Matt Carman explain:

"We will be screening 12 Rounds, a "stupid as a bag of hammers" action movie from the director of Die Hard 2, starring John Cena a.k.a. that wrestler guy who sometimes acts but isn't The Rock. Fans of HBO's The Wire will enjoy seeing Aiden Gillen (a.k.a. Baltimore politician Tommy Carcetti) as the villain, an Irish arms dealer jazzily named Miles Jackson, who spends the movie slipping in and out of his own native accent.

Pre-show entertainment will include a short presentation on the many cinematic sins committed by the cast of The Wire, and a trivia round with questions (many of them easily guessable!). Prizes include copies I Love Bad Movies #1 through #4, treasured VHS tapes, and other priceless and/or valueless junk.

During the movie, you'll hear running commentary and jokes from The Flop House ("Mr. Handsome Nerd" Stuart Wellington and Daily Show writers Dan McCoy and Elliott Kalan). Then we'll pause for a special halftime segment in which your hosts discuss whether or not this movie could have made any less sense so far."

This event is a Time Out New York Critics' Pick and will likely sell out, so get your 12 Rounds tickets now!"

12 Rounds featuring commentary by The Flophouse and More!

Friday, January 20, 8pm

92YTribeca

200 Hudson St.

Manhattan

Episode #94 - Conan the Barbarian

2012-01-14T08:49:00.000-08:00

How can a film with so much boobs 'n' blood still be kinda boring? We explain in our take on Conan the Barbarian. Meanwhile, Elliott reveals Sean Connery's tireless Zardoz boosterism, Stu finds the proper forum for his Crom worship, and Dan tells the tale of a little Jewish mouse who can't count.

0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.
0:33 - 2:30 - A lot of nonsense about bears.
0:33 - 2:56 - The usual bullshit.
2:57 - 32:08 - Conan hears the lamentations of the Flop House.
32:09 - 38:24 - Final judgments
38:251 - 52:34 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
52:35 - 54:36 - We plug our LIVE EVENT.
54:37 - 57:01 - The sad bastards recommend.
57:02 - 58:35- Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

Paste theflophouse.libsyn.com/rss into iTunes (or your favorite podcatching software) to have new episodes of The Flop House delivered to you directly, as they're released.

Wikipedia synopsis of Conan the Barbarian.

Flop House Plugs Corner

Our second true LIVE FLOP HOUSE EVENT will be taking place on January 20th at 92Y Tribeca. We will be screening the John Cena/Renny Harlin joint 12 Rounds.

92YTribeca SCREENING ROOM
200 Hudson Street, NY, NY
$12

Flop House Podcast Crossover!

2012-01-09T15:08:00.000-08:00

We'll be back with a new episode this weekend, but in the meantime, why not sate your thirst for all things Flop by listening to our guest spot on friend-of-the-show Andy Rocco's podcast, Here to Help (along with very funny stand-up/improvisor/actor Sean Conroy)? Why not indeed?

Stick it in your ear-holes!

Floppy New Year!

2011-12-31T13:43:00.000-08:00

Episode #93 - Green Lantern

2011-12-21T11:01:00.000-08:00

You didn't think we'd let 2011 end without getting you a holiday gift, right? Well, in this episode we take on one of the biggest flops of the past year, Green Lantern. Meanwhile, Elliott throws down the gauntlet to Green Lantern comics fans, Stuart would rather talk about "The Core," and Dan somehow gets even more creepy. Plus: the long-awaited FLOP HOUSE ORIGINS.

0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.
0:33 - 2:56 - The usual bullshit.
2:57 - 36:23 - Look! Up in the air! It's a Granny Smith apple! It's Kermit! No, it's the GREEN LANTERN!
36:24 - 40:20 - Final judgments
40:21 - 52:55 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
52:56 - 56:25 - We plug our LIVE EVENT.
56:26 - 57:52 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

Paste theflophouse.libsyn.com/rss into iTunes (or your favorite podcatching software) to have new episodes of The Flop House delivered to you directly, as they're released.

Wikipedia synopsis of The Green Lantern

Contribute to the FLOP HOUSE WIKI.

Flop House Plugs Corner

Our second true LIVE FLOP HOUSE EVENT will be taking place on January 20th at 92Y Tribeca. We will be screening the John Cena/Renny Harlin joint 12 Rounds.

92YTribeca SCREENING ROOM
200 Hudson Street, NY, NY
$12

* * *

Elliott will be screening the Don Siegel-directed, Clint Eastwood-starring Civil War southern gothic shocker The Beguiled, on Wednesday, January 4.

92YTribeca SCREENING ROOM
200 Hudson Street, NY, NY
$12
Part of the series Closely Watched Films

* * *

Check out this short humor piece that Dan wrote for McSweeneys. It's holiday-themed, and Christmas is this week. It's almost as if it was planned that way!

Live Appearances Alert!

2011-12-15T09:13:00.000-08:00

First off, if you're visiting to see if we've posted a new episode: the next show won't be up until December 21, due to holiday whiz-bangs and flungers, cabdabblers, and smendlers, and such. Our apologies.

But the great news is you can see us BEFORE then, if you come to the UCBEast in NYC on December the 18th at 6 pm for a live taping of the podcast Here to Help (hosted by Andy Rocco). The gang will be offering advice-column style advice at rock bottom prices. (For reals -- the show is FREE).

HERE TO HELP FLOPHOUSE PODCAST CROSSOVER
Dan McCoy (Daily Show Writer), Elliot Kalan (Daily Show Writer) & Stuart Wellington (Owner of many awesome mustaches), AND special guest Sean Conroy (The Swarm and Conan O'Brien)
UCBEast
153 East 3rd St.
New York, NY

BUT WAIT... There's more!

Our second true LIVE FLOP HOUSE EVENT will be taking place on January 20th at 92Y Tribeca.

To quote the website:
"Irish arms dealer Miles Jackson (The Wire’s Aiden Gillen, somehow stumbling through his own native accent) taunts Louisiana cop Danny Fisher (WWE's John Cena) through a series of dangerous tasks in order to save his wife ... as long as Fisher doesn't accidentally destroy the entire city first.
Hailed by bad-movie podcast The Flop House as “Dumb as a brick, stupid as a bag of hammers and a movie we kind of like,” 12 Rounds is steeped in important life lessons, like how to repeatedly insult a global terrorist with petty name-calling and how to stop a moving car using a speedboat. Will this meat-headed Sherlock Holmes solve the mystery of the missing plumber? Or will the city of New Orleans suffer its worst movie in recent history?
Bad Movie Night includes a trivia round, prizes and a presentation by I Love Bad Movies, and running commentary by The Flop House."

We hope to see you there!

92YTribeca SCREENING ROOM
200 Hudson Street, NY, NY
$12

Episode #92 - Country Strong

2011-12-04T15:01:00.001-08:00

Just because Country Strong is working from a showbiz story template as old as showbiz itself, doesn't mean they don't have ample opportunity to fuck it up. Meanwhile, Elliott explains the movie's sassy original ending, Dan gives the show's demographic breakdown, and Stuart poses some metaphysical duck questions.

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme.
0:34 - 4:03 - A little discussion of Stuart's wedding and related matters.
4:04 - 34:24 - BECAUSE I'M COOOOOUNTRY STROOONG. COUNTRY STRONG.
34:25 - 36:45 - Final judgments
36:46 - 41:46 - Business matters, discussion of the Flop House Wiki, and the wedding of Elliott's REAL best friend.
41:47 - 55:09 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
55:10 - 1:00:31 - The sad bas tards recommend
1:00:32 - 1:02:00 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

Paste theflophouse.libsyn.com/rss into iTunes (or your favorite podcatching software) to have new episodes of The Flop House delivered to you directly, as they're released.

Wikipedia synopsis of Country Strong

Join the Flop House Facebook Group to see the FABLED TUXSPEEDOS and engage in chatter with fellow flop fans.

The Happy Couple
Photo by Sarah Hampton

Flop House Plugs Corner

Come see Elliott's latest 92Y Tribeca "Closely Watched Films" screening on Wednesday, December 7 at 7:30. He'll be presenting The Scarlet Empress, with special guest, possibly the funniest cartoonist alive, Michael Kupperman. $12. Purchase tickets HERE.

Episode #91 - Zookeeper

2011-11-21T12:06:00.001-08:00

The addition of a noted lover-of-adorable-animals to this episode's flop crew (Ms. Hallie Haglund, subbing in for the just-married Stuart), meant we spent this episode on the Kevin James vehicle Zookeeper. It's enough to make you want to steal money away from The Humane Society. Meanwhile, Dan defends urinating in front of the help, Elliott reveals his lyrical hypocrisy, and Hallie struggles mightily to remember the name of one movie she's seen.

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme.
0:35 - 6:43 - We introduce our guest host, Hallie -- Daily Show writer, Dan-and-Elliott friend, and Elliott's office-mate --who regales us with embarrassing KalanTales.
6:44 - 42:50 - Kevin James tries so hard, bless his giant heart.
42:51 - 46:00 - Final judgments
46:01 - 58:37 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
58:38 - 1:02:57 - The sad bastards recommend
1:02:58 - 1:04:40 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

Paste theflophouse.libsyn.com/rss into iTunes (or your favorite podcatching software) to have new episodes of The Flop House delivered to you directly, as they're released.

Wikipedia synopsis for Zookeeper.

CONTRIBUTE TO THE FLOP HOUSE WIKI!

The Flop House Plugs Corner:

Come see Elliott's latest 92Y Tribeca "Closely Watched Films" screening on Wednesday, December 7 at 7:30. He'll be presenting The Scarlet Empress, with special guest, possibly the funniest cartoonist alive, Michael Kupperman. $12. Purchase tickets HERE.

Delayed Gratification

2011-11-18T07:37:00.001-08:00

We have a new episode in the can, but it won't be posted until late Sunday at the earliest, or possibly midday Monday. Our apologies. Dan is busy attending his second wedding in as many weeks, so -- as is usually the case -- you can blame your disappointment on love.

Game Called on Account of MARRIAGE

2011-11-11T05:36:00.001-08:00

No new episodes this week, as the floppers jet off to sunny Puerto Rico for Stuart's wedding... or, as we prefer to call it, THE GREAT BIKINI MATRIMONIAL ADVENTURE.

See you next week!

Would you marry this man?

Episode #90 - Red Riding Hood

2011-10-29T11:54:00.000-07:00

What big eyes you have! The better to shut while watching Red Riding Hood, my dears. Meanwhile, Elliott introduces his lesser Richard Dreyfuss film series, Stuart reveals his elf racism, Dan attempts to use some cool lingo, and Alexander brings some indie rock credibility to the proceedings.

0:00 - 0:43 - Introduction and SHOCKTOBER theme.
0:44 - 9:15 - It's the Original Peaches plus one, when we're joined by Stuart's soon-to-be best man Alexander Smith. Topics are discussed and bachelor parties alluded to.
9:16 - 43:16 - Little Red Riding Hood's subtext becomes text, because apparently all teen girls want is to fuck monsters.
43:17 - 47:05 - Special SHOCKTOBER final judgments
47:06 - 59:32 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
59:33 - 1:03:30 - In lieu of recommendations, we let Alex turn this into a plugcast.
1:03:31 - 1:04:20 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.
1:04:21 - 1:09:16 - A Lydia Burrell bonus track (available early next year).

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

Paste theflophouse.libsyn.com/rss into iTunes (or your favorite podcatching software) to have new episodes of The Flop House delivered to you directly, as they're released.

Wikipedia synopsis of Red Riding Hood

The Flop House Plugs Corner:

Take a listen to Alex Smith's podcast "Probably Not," HERE.

Listen to/ purchase music from Alex's project Lydia Burrell, HERE.

* * *

Come see Elliott's latest 92Y Tribeca "Closely Watched Films" screening on November 3 at 7:30. He'll be presenting Man of the West, with special guest/Elliott and Dan co-worker, Hallie Haglund. $12. Purchase tickets HERE.

Elliott's doing a few events to promote the pieces he's written (or co-written with Wyatt Cenac) for the Marvel anthology Shame Itself:

+ Tuesday, November 1st @ 8pm
Comic Book Club
The People's Improv Theater
123 E. 24th Street
Appearing on a comics talk show alongside some of the book's other contributors.
Tickets: $5

+ Wednesday, November 2nd @6pm
Shame Itself Signing
Jim Hanley's Universe
4 West 33rd Street
Signing copies of SHAME ITSELF, with many of the book's writers and artists. The signing starts at 6, but due to work, Elliottmay not get there until 6:30.

* * *

Dan will be making one of his rare stand-up appearances as part of the Kings County Comedy Hour on Friday, November 4, at 8 PM. The show is FREE.

Vaudeville Park

26 Bushwick Ave at Devoe St

Brooklyn, NY

Master List of Flop House Episodes

2011-10-20T15:36:00.000-07:00

Alphabetical List of Flop House Films

12 Rounds - 7/19/09

27 Dresses - 11/23/08

88 Minutes - 11/9/08

10,000 B.C. - 7/20/08

Alien vs. Predator: Requiem - 5/17/08

All About Steve - 5/20/10

An American Carol - 3/14/09

Awake - 3/16/08

Bangkok Dangerous - 1/25/09

Beverly Hills Chihuahua - 5/30/09

Big Money Rustlas - 11/12/10

Blood: The Last Vampire - 10/2/10

Bratz - 4/20/08

Bride Wars - 6/13/09

The Chaos Experiment - 10/25/09
Conan the Barbarian - 1/14/12
Country Strong - 12/4/11

D-War: Dragon Wars - 5/4/08

Delgo - 11/22/09

Devil - 1/22/11

Dragonball: Evolution - 1/10/10

Drive Angry - 6/12/11

Fireproof - 4/15/09

Friday the 13th - 6/28/09

From Paris With Love - 7/9/10

Gamer - 2/6/10

Gooby - 4/10/11

Good Luck Chuck - 2/25/08
Green Lantern - 12/21/11

Hannah Montana: The Movie - 1/23/10

The Happening - 10/19/08

The Happiest Millionaire - 9/2/11

I Am Number Four - 6/25/11

I Know Who Killed Me - 12/20/07

Invasion - 3/30/08

Jonah Hex - 12/5/10

Jumper - 6/22/08

Killers - 1/8/11

Knight and Day - 4/22/11

Knowing - 8/29/09

The Last Airbender - 12/19/10

Law Abiding Citizen - 5/9/10

Legion - 6/19/10

Limitless - 7/31/11

Memory - 9/6/07

Mirrors - 3/28/09

Mr. Brooks - 12/6/07

Mr.Magorium’s Wonder Emporium - 12/14/08

My Soul To Take - 9/17/11

Next - 1/27/08

The Number 23 - 10/7/07

Obsessed - 9/27/09

Old Dogs - 8/15/10

One Missed Call - 8/3/08

Paul Blart: Mall Cop - 8/2/09

Perfect Stranger - 11/18/07

Premonition - 7/6/08

Priest - 10/1/11

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time - 2/17/11

Prom Night - 10/4/08
Red Riding Hood - 10/29/11

Repo Men - 7/31/10

Righteous Kill - 8/15/09

The Roommate - 5/28/11

Saw III - 10/28/07

Season of theWitch - 10/14/11

Seven Pounds - 5/17/09

Skinwalkers - 9/13/09

Skyline - 3/27/11

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice - 5/6/11

Sorority Row - 3/27/10

A Sound of Thunder - 9/16/07

The Spirit - 5/3/09

Stealth - 9/6/07

Step Up 2: The Streets - 1/11/09

StreetFighter: The Legend of Chun-Li - 11/8/09

Sucker Punch - 7/17/11

Surrogates - 6/5/10

Swing Vote - 2/15/09

Teen Witch - 10/29/10

Twilight: New Moon - 4/11/10

The Ugly Truth - 2/21/10

The Unborn - 10/10/09

The Uninvited - 10/17/10

Untraceable - 6/8/08

Valentine’s Day - 2/5/11

Vantage Point - 8/24/08

Whiteout - 3/6/10

Wild Hogs - 9/14/08

X-Men Origins: Wolverine - 12/12/09
Zookeeper - 11/21/11

Awards Shows

The 2008 Academy Awards Floptacular

The 2009 Academy Awards Floptacular

The 2011 Academy Awards Floptacular

Movie Minutes

Movie Minute #1- 3/9/08

Movie Minute #2 –Kate Beckinsale - 3/23/08

Movie Minute #3- 4/4/08

Movie Minute #4 –Ziggy - 4/13/08

Movie Minute #5- 4/27/08

Movie Minute #6 –Comic-Con - 5/11/08

Movie Minute #7- 6/1/08

Movie Minute #8 -Trailers - 6/15/08

Movie Minute #9 - Twin Sitters - 6/29/08

Movie Minute #10 - Teen Wolf - 7/13/08

Movie Minute #11 –Listener Feedback - 8/10/11

Movie Minute #12- 9/7/08

Movie Minute #13- 9/27/08

Movie Minute #14- 10/11/08

Movie Minute #15 - 10/26/08

Movie Minute #16 - 11/15/08

Movie Minute #17 - 12/6/08

Movie Minute #18 - 12/21/08

Movie Minute #19- 2/1/09

Movie Minute #20 - 2/21/09

Movie Minute #21 -Watchmen - 3/8/09

Movie Minute #22- 3/22/09

Movie Minute #23- 4/4/09

Movie Minute #24- 5/11/09

Movie Minute #25 - 5/25/09

Movie Minute #26- 6/7/09

Movie Minute #27 - 7/12/09

Movie Minute #28 - 7/26/09

Movie Minute #29 - 9/6/09

Movie Minute #30- 9/20/09

Movie Minute #31- 10/18/09

Movie Minute #32 - 11/16/09

Movie Minute #33- 12/6/09

Movie Minute #34 - 12/20/09

Movie Minute #35 - 2/28/10

Movie Minute #36- 5/21/11

Episode #89 - Season of the Witch

2011-10-14T17:44:00.000-07:00

Shocktober continues, ultimate Nic Cage-style, with his "the guys burning witches were right all along" historical opus Season of the Witch. Meanwhile, Stuart takes us time-traveling to meet teenage Stu, Dan shows his encyclopediac knowledge of proper superhero terminology, andElliott takes us behind the scenes at Cleavage Magazine.

0:00 - 0:51 - Introduction, technical difficulties disclaimer, and SHOCKTOBER theme.
0:52 - 5:33 - Much discussion about Dan's "area," followed by premature, hubristic crowing about having our audio issues fixed.
5:34 - 30:30 - What could be more SHOCKTOBER-y seasonal than discussing Season of the Witch?
30:31 - 34:30 - Stuart continues to make a mockery of our SHOCKTOBER final judgments.
34:31 - 40:12 - Much needling of Dan and a discussion of FlopCon 201140:13 - 58:46 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
58:47 - 1:02:06 - The sad bastards re com mend
1:02:07 - 1:03:34 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

Paste theflophouse.libsyn.com/rss into iTunes (or your favorite podcatching software) to have new episodes of The Flop House delivered to you directly, as they're released.

Wikipedia synopsis of Season of the Witch

Vote Flop House at The Podcast Awards!

2011-10-14T13:11:00.000-07:00

Thanks to your efforts, we've been nominated for a Podcast Award in the Best Movies/Film Podcast category.

Please take a moment to click over there and vote for us. You can vote once a day, so we heartily encourage you to game the system.

Thanks for your amazing support!

Help Make Elliott the Next Andy Rooney

2011-10-03T09:27:00.000-07:00

Can't get enough Elliott Kalan on The Flop House? Join the "make Elliott Kalan the next Andy Rooney" campaign, so he can invade your home for three minutes every Sunday!

Elliott Kalan: Tomorrow's Andy Rooney Today! - watch more funny videos

Sign the petition!

Podcast Guest Alert

2011-10-02T13:03:00.000-07:00

Dan guested on Andy Rocco's podcast, "Here to Help" along with stand-up comic Nick Vatterott and Jon Benjamin Has a Van co-creator and former SNL writer, Leo Allen.

You may remember Andy from when he sat in on the Gooby episode of The Flop House, and now Dan has returned the podcasting guest favor by going on Mr. Rocco's show to counsel various advice column letter-writers.

Give the show a listen!

Episode #88 - Priest

2011-10-01T08:35:00.000-07:00

What can we say about Priest except that it's marginally better than Legion? At this rate, director Scott Charles Stewart and star Paul Bettany should get it right in another hundred movies or so. Meanwhile Stuart calmly usurps Elliott's role as master recapper, Tom expounds on the joy of a roller-skating Patrick Swayze, and Dan ponders more fully the intricacies of pronouncing "Cam Gigandet."

0:00 - 0:37 - Introduction and theme.
0:38 - 4:10 - We introduce our guest, Tom Silvestro of the very funny ESCAPE POD FILMS, and gripe more about our ongoing technical problems.
4:11 - 27:58 - Should you let this Priest touch you?
27:59 - 31:40 - Some special SHOCKTOBER final judgments
31:41 - 40:29 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
40:30 - 53:39 - The sad bas tards recommend
53:38 - 55:27 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

Paste theflophouse.libsyn.com/rss into iTunes (or your favorite podcatching software) to have new episodes of The Flop House delivered to you directly, as they're released.

Wikipedia synopsis of Priest.

Enjoy this episode of Escape Pod Films' series "The Stryker Files," guest-starring one Dan McCoy:

Flop House Plugs Corner:

Elliott's next 92Y Tribeca screening of Island of Lost Souls, starring Charles Laughton, with special screening guest John Hodgman.

Episode #87 - My Soul to Take

2011-09-17T06:55:00.000-07:00

Despite the presence of our good friend, Erik Zuckerman, we couldn't take much from My Soul to Take, except misery. Meanwhile, Stuart airs our dirty laundry on air, Elliott does some more comic strip movie casting, and we learn the surprising internal organ-based source of Dan's perversions.

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme.
0:35 - 6:43 - The technical difficulties saga continues.
6:44 - 30:01 - It's always take, take, take souls -- never give!
30:02 - 35:30 - Final judgments
35:31 - 51:52 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
51:53 - 56:20 - The sad bastards recommend
56:20 - 57:32 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

Paste theflophouse.libsyn.com/rss into iTunes (or your favorite podcatching software) to have new episodes of The Flop House delivered to you directly, as they're released.

Wikipedia synopsis of My Soul to Take

VOTE FOR THE FLOPHOUSE
The PODCAST AWARDS nominations are open!

Flop House Plugs Corner:

Elliott's next 92Y Tribeca screening of Island of Lost Souls, starring Charles Laughton, with special screening guest John Hodgman.

Dan Podcast Guest Appearance ALERT

2011-09-05T16:02:00.000-07:00

In our continuing effort to make up for the recent lack of new episodes, due to the one-two punch of technical difficulties and August vacations, we'd like to point you to the Overload the Machine podcast, hosted by NYC stand-up Rob Stern, which recently had Dan on as a guest. Why not go and listen to him being startlingly unfunny while being surrounded by very funny folks.

Episode #86 - The Happiest Millionaire

2011-09-02T12:40:00.000-07:00

Only an army could make us sit through The Happiest Millionaire... an army, or one U.S. serviceman, that is. Meanwhile, Dan reveals the creepier aspects of his character, Stuart returns from his gaming convention with a surprise gift, and Elliott is forever thwarted in his attempts to bring American history to the podcast masses.

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme.
0:35 - 4:17 - We discuss our recent technical difficulties.
4:18 - 27:57 - You'd think there would be a lot to talk about in a three hour film, wouldn't you? You would be wrong.
27:58 - 33:00 - We summarily dispense with final judgments, to discuss Stuart's SURPRISE GIFT to Dan and Elliott
33:31 - 47:45 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
47:46 - 54:44 - The sad bastards recommend / plug.
54:45 - 55:52 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

Paste theflophouse.libsyn.com/rss into iTunes (or your favorite podcatching software) to have new episodes of The Flop House delivered to you directly, as they're released.

Wikipedia synopsis of The Happiest Millionaire

Flop House Plugs Corner:

The Hollows -- featuring Rob Morrison of Avenue Q and Dan's old sketch troupe Mr. Whitepants.

Elliott's next 92Y Tribeca screening of Alfred Hitchcock's Shadow of a Doubt, with special guest star Rory Albanese, stand-up comic and Executive Producer of The Daily Show.

Further show notes:

The Hard Ticket To Hawaii video that caused so much controversy:

Stuart posing with his purchase:

Lastly, some folks dealt with the Flop House break with a little less patience than others, as this fan art will attest. I hope we're square now. Please release our families.

Flop House Bloopers and Practical Jokes

2011-08-19T08:37:00.000-07:00

Here it is, the non-canonical Beastly episode, the one where our equipment suddenly started picking up radio signals, which were then transferred to the recording as a constant bed of phat (and less-than-phat, or "phthin") beats, beneath our film jabber.

Repeat, this is NOT A REGULAR EPISODE, so we wouldn't recommend it to newbies, the easily irritated, or pretty much anyone who isn't a superfan and can't wait until September for a new dose of the show.

That said, have at it. Keep on bloopin' in the free world...

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

No Show / Technical Difficulties

2011-08-15T13:33:00.000-07:00

This last week, the peaches all got together to watch Flop House repeat offenders Alex Pettyfer and Vanessa Hudgens in the retelling-of-Beauty-and-the-Beast-with-one-of-the-Olsen-twins opus Beastly.

Having suffered through the whole film, Dan set up the recording equipment as he has for countless (actually, imminently countable) shows past. However, after 20 minutes, eagle-eye Stu noticed the levels were peaking much more than usual, and we discovered that we were picking up a hip-hop station underneath the recording, making some of the audio unlistenable, and all of it annoying.

Dan believes he has diagnosed the problem -- shielding problems with the old mic cables caused them to act as antennae and receive radio signals. He's ordered replacement cables, but we won't be able to record a new show until Dan and Elliott are back from vacation. Thus, the earliest a new show will be out will likely be the weekend of September 3-4.

(Although, if we have enough comments in the comments section insisting on it, we may throw up the bad audio as a "blooper episode.")

Our apologies about the delay. We're as dismayed about it as you are. Blame... we dunno. Science.

Episode #85 - Limitless

2011-07-31T10:20:00.000-07:00

Apparently being Limitless is still pretty limited, if all it means is making money on the stock market and banging chicks. Then again, we can see an upside to it. Meanwhile Dan explains the strange chemical reactions triggered by saliva, Stuart explains the myriad ways one can deal with a Russian mobster, and Elliott cuts Dan to the quick, office-wise.

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme.
0:35 - 2:23 - Elliott's public airing of grievances.
2:24 - 39:26 - We find a surprising amount to say about the wish-fulfillment fantasy, Limitless.
39:27 - 41:30 - Final judgments.
41:31 - 58:07 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
58:08 - 59:13 - A speed round of the sad bastards (don't) recommend
59:14 - 1:00:21 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Limitless.

Episode #84 - Sucker Punch

2011-07-17T15:29:00.000-07:00

We return from our extended Independence Day break with one of our dumbest movies yet, Sucker Punch, which combines the attention span of a toddler with the sophisticated sexuality of a 13-year-old. Meanwhile, Dan reveals some disturbing personal cartoon magazine-related habits, Elliott discovers a new love for felines, and Stuart inspires our readers to raise their voices about his voice.

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme.
0:34 - 5:28 - Tales of Cobra Commander and Twin Sitters
5:29 - 32:05 - Zach Snyder somehow finds a way to ruin sexy schoolgirls fighting robotic samurais.
33:37 - 35:32 - Final judgments.
35:33 - 50:59 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
51:00 - 58:00 - The sad bastards recommend
58:01 - 58:43 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

Wikipedia synopsis of Sucker Punch.

Photo of the live event, courtesy of Superfan Alex Erde.

Cobra Commander costume / photo, courtesy of Mr. Wyatt Cenac

Flop House on Break, but Enjoy this CAVALCADE OF FUN

2011-07-08T17:27:00.000-07:00

Lazy television writers Elliott and Dan were on vacation this week, but if you absolutely need to have your podcast fix, check out Dan's guest spot on Beginnings, with Wrestling Team. He discusses making it in the comedy writing biz. Pretty tall talk for a guy who's been a comedy writer for about a month.

Also: thank you to Curt Holman at Creative Loafing's "ScreenGrab" blog, for this amazing review of The Flop House.

And enjoy Dan's brother John's visualization of "The Contest Ruiner" from episode #79 - Knight and Day:

Flop House LIVE / "Twin Sitters" Event is TOMORROW

2011-06-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

Elliott joined "I Love Bad Movies" editors Matt Carman and Kseniya Yarosh on "The Hoot" to discuss our 92Y Tribeca screening and bad movies in general. Give a listen:

The Hoot! #16: I Love Bad Movies | Radiohive Collective

www.radiohive.org

And, again, enjoy this Twin Sitters tribute put together by Matt and Kseniya.

Bad Movie Night: Twin Sitters

Thu, Jun 30, 2011, 8:00pm
200 Hudson Street (MAP)
92YTribeca Screening Room
$12.00

Episode #83 - I Am Number Four

2011-06-25T09:05:00.000-07:00

Our eagerly awaited review of Generic Superpower Teen Plot Number Four... er, we mean, "I Am Number Four." Meanwhile Dan makes a plea on behalf of Internet porn auteurs, Stu revels in his "equally funny" status, Elliott reaches new heights of annoyance via song, and we all begin the show by alienating new listeners by referencing old in-jokes and end it by alienating new listeners by being audibly tired.

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme.
0:34 - 5:48 - We discuss our GLOWING Onion AV Club mention.
5:49 - 33:34 - Nothing starts a franchise better than a movie clearly only designed to start a franchise. Case in point: I Am Number Four.
33:37 - 35:10 - Final judgments.
35:11 - 51:09 - Flop House Movie Mailbag, complete with everlasting theme.
51:10 - 57:17 - The sad bast ards recommend
57:18 - 58:45 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

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Wikipedia synopsis of I Am Number Four

If you're on the fence about attending the LIVE FLOP HOUSE / I LOVE BAD MOVIES EVENT, then perhaps THIS will change your mind:

Bad Movie Night: Twin Sitters

Thu, Jun 30, 2011, 8:00pm
200 Hudson Street (MAP)
92YTribeca Screening Room
$12.00

Episode #82 - Drive Angry

2011-06-12T11:28:00.000-07:00

Where would we be without Nicholas Cage? Probably doing a vegan cooking podcast. So thank you, Nic Cage. For the trashy movies, for the meat-eating, for everything. Meanwhile, Elliott introduces us to his convoluted movie filing system, Dan predicts Elliott's eventual vendetta against him, and Stuart comes face-to-face with his non-union French equivalent.

0:00 - 0:38 - Introduction and theme.
0:39 - 31:15- We officially turn this bad movie podcast into a Nic Cagecast, with our discussion of Drive Angry.
31:16 - 33:36 - Final judgments.
33:35 - 48:15 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
48:16 - 52:45 - The sad bas tards recommend
52:46 - 53:53 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Drive Angry

Come to the LIVE FLOP HOUSE / I LOVE BAD MOVIES EVENT!

Bad Movie Night: Twin Sitters

Thu, Jun 30, 2011, 8:00pm
200 Hudson Street (MAP)
92YTribeca Screening Room
$12.00

And thank you to The Onion AV Club for taking notice of our podcast and for writing two glowing paragraphs about it in the latest Podmass column. We couldn't be more thrilled about the kind words and attention.

Episode #81 - The Roommate

2011-05-28T05:56:00.000-07:00

Let's take a great, trashy premise like Single White Female; cast two attractive actresses; move it to college, where too-strong emotional attachments are a matter of course... then strip it of interesting characters, a script, or the exploitation pleasures of sex and violence (thanks, PG-13!). Welcome to The Roommate. Meanwhile Elliott explains the avant garde use of collage in softcore films, Stuart is utterly baffled by the idea of a pet detective, and Dan reassures his fans that he will always be the sigh guy they know and tolerate.

0:00 - 0:41 - Introduction and theme.
0:42 - 8:29 - Stuart helps Dan deliver some big news by setting up a bit at length and then seeming totally uninterested in the payoff.
8:30 - 29:35 - We seem to have less to say about The Roommate than any prior film.
29:36 - 35:22 - Final judgments.
35:23 - 54:01 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
54:02 - 58:40 - The sad bastards recommend
58:41 - 59:51 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

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Wikipedia synopsis of The Roommate

Buy TICKETS for THE FLOP HOUSE LIVE/I LOVE BAD MOVIES event! Learn more about the live show HERE.

Movie Minute #36 - A Shameless Plug

2011-05-21T07:52:00.000-07:00

Due to some major life events in a couple of the floppers' lives, we had to push back the regularly scheduled episode until next week.

That's the bad news. The good news is that our good friends at I Love Bad Movies, Matt Carman and Kseniya Yarosh, have swooped in with their Frankenstein machines to resurrect the corpse of The Movie Minute, and bring us more details about the FLOP HOUSE/ I LOVE BAD MOVIES LIVE EVENT at 92Y Tribeca in Manhattan. Listen to it in your ear-holes!

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

EVENT DETAILS:

Thu, Jun 30, 2011, 8:00pm
200 Hudson Street (MAP)
92YTribeca Screening Room
$12.00

TWIN SITTERS TRAILER

Episode #80 - The Sorcerer's Apprentice

2011-05-06T20:16:00.000-07:00

The gang's all here! What power could draw all of the increasingly busy Floppers to assemble in one place? Could it be... MAGIC? Perhaps, if we're talking the magic of Nic Cage. Less so, if we're talking The Sorcerer's Apprentice. Meanwhile, Elliott has caught the terrible pun disease from Dan, Stuart provides a classic Flop Flashback, and Dan reveals the balls-out XXX secret of this family film.

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme.
0:35 - 5:56 - The usual hosts take a few moments to reacquaint themselves, after a month of guest hosts, and begin unintentionally insulting everyone.
5:57 - 35:45 - If you're gonna make a not-so-great movie, do everyone a favor and stick Nicholas Cage and Alfred Molina in it.
35:45 - 39:00 - Final judgments.
48:31 - 55:35 - Recommendations are BUMPED for our longest Movie Mailbag yet.
55:36 - 57:42 The final letter segues into thrilling news of our first LIVE FLOP HOUSE EVENT!
57:43 - 59:08 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

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Wikipedia synopsis of The Sorcerer's Apprentice.

Episode #79 - Knight and Day

2011-04-22T11:26:00.000-07:00

For our pre-May sweeps episode, we welcome the very funny comedian and TV star Mr. Wyatt Cenac as our guest co-host. We take it easy on Wyatt with the more-watchable-than-usual Knight and Day, which just leads to double the usual digressions. Meanwhile, Elliott introduces yet another new Batman villain, Wyatt turns our podcast into his demo reel, and Dan just sits back and does his best to yes-and the proceedings.

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme.
0:34 - 6:57 - We're so delighted by our special MYSTERY GUEST (whose identity was ruined in the show description) that we take even longer than usual to get to the point.
6:58 - 47:29 - In between discussions of Batman villains, we find a little time to talk about Knight and Day.
47:30 - 48:30 - Final judgments.
48:31 - 54:50 - The sad bastards recommend.
54:51 - 56:34 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Knight and Day

Episode #78 - Gooby

2011-04-10T07:29:00.000-07:00

Hey, you know how you're always talking about how you want to see a movie where a giant living teddy bear has the voice of Robbie Coltrane and also Eugene Levy is in it for some reason? Well, have we got a surprise for you! Meanwhile Stu sings a love ballad, Dan reveals Elliott's corporate espionage, and Andy just wants to talk Ducktales.

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme.
0:35 - 4:28 - We introduce guest host Andy Rocco, and challenge him to justify himself.
4:29 - 47:22 - We find a surprising amount to talk about in Gooby, almost managing to keep to the topic.
47:23 - 50:06 - Final judgments.
50:07 - 55:57 - The sad bastards recommend.
57:58 - 58:57 - Plugs, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

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Wikpedia (not-really-a) synopsis of Gooby.

What if Penny Met a Dinosaur: THE SAGA CONTINUES

2011-04-06T09:52:00.000-07:00

Flop House superfan Gustav sent this beautiful piece of fan art showing what would happen if Penny met a dinosaur. I'll let him explain:

"I attached a jpeg of what would happen if Penny met a Spinosaur that was remotely brain-controlled by Dr. Claw. They would battle each other."

"Bring it, bitch."

Inspector Gadget's Greatest Secrets Revealed! UPDATED

2011-03-28T09:07:00.001-07:00

Thanks to Dan's brother* we now have this artist's rendering -- guaranteed to be 100% medically accurate -- of what would happen if Penny met a dinosaur.

*Hire him if you need some illustration or design work done.

And now, thanks to Flop House Super-fan Kseniya, we have this answer to a question no one asked!

Episode #77 - Skyline

2011-03-27T10:21:00.000-07:00

WE'RE BACK. Elliott's globetrotting, Stu's evening shifts, and Dan's almost-an-actual-writing-career couldn't keep us off the Internetwaves for long. Will our 77th episode be an audio classic on the level of Talking Heads '77? Only time will tell. Meanwhile, Stu tries out a new cool guy/annoying mouth sounds persona, Elliott pitches a chocolate-based Terminator sequel, and Dan keeps us up-to-date on important developments in the world of Penny meeting a dinosaur.

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme.
0:34 - 30:55 - We discuss the Battle: Los Angeles prequel, Skyline. Wait, what? It's not a prequel?
30:56 - 34:20 - Final judgments.
34:21 - 53:05 - Donations and Flop House Movie Mailbag
53:06 - 56:27 - The sad bastards recommend.
56:28 - 57:26 - Plugs, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Skyline.

No New Episode

2011-03-20T10:43:00.000-07:00

Elliott's been off gallivanting around France, and Dan's been hard at work at a super-secret writing project, so - with two of the three Floppers out of commission - we've had to push back this week's episode. However, we hope to be back with all of The Original Peaches next week.

Elliott's French adventures (artist's rendering)

Episode #76 - Third Annual Awards Floptacular

2011-03-05T14:24:00.000-08:00

We've broken our curse, with our first Academy Awards-in-review show that doesn't have terrible audio problems, although it has our usual staying-on-topic problems. Meanwhile Stuart reveals looking-glass Hitler's nefarious plot, Elliott talks about previous winners of the Twix-sponsored Twixie Awards, and Dan unravels a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in Inspector Gadget.

0:00 - 0:53 - Red carpet introduction
0:54 - 35:51 - In contrast to EVERYONE ON THE INTERNET and our usual tendency to hate on things, we actually didn't mind the Oscars.
35:52 - 45:25 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
45:26 - 48:20- A brief pledge drive
48:21 - 55:56 - Dan tells the greatest story in American letters. Suck it, Twain and Hemmingway.
55:57 - 59:47 - Plugs, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

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Listen to Dan discuss the truly terrible young adult book City of Bones as a guest host on the Read it and Weep podcast. Also, it's a two-parter, so he'll be back next week, even grumpier from having to deal with a few hundred more pages of dreck.

Episode #75 - Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

2011-02-17T07:29:00.000-08:00

Hey, you know what's literally never been terrible? A movie based on a video game. And it can only help if it's a transparent stylistic cash-in on the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, right? Right? Hey, where are you going? If we had to watch Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, at least have the common decency to listen to us talk about it. Meanwhile, Elliott reveals Alfred Molina's secret acting tips, Dan settles old scores and burns new bridges, and Stuart gives lessons in beating up the elderly.

0:00 - 0:35 - Introduction and theme

0:36 - 33:09 - We spend a little time discussing Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time and way too much time discussing Duckberg and its inhabitants.

33:10 - 36:53- Final judgments

36:54 - 53:14 - A super-sized Movie Mail Bag, including some Oscar talk

53:15 - 58:29- The sad bastards recommend

58:30 - 59:41 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Episode #74 - Valentine's Day

2011-02-05T08:53:00.000-08:00

Just in time for Black History Month, it's Valentine's Day, beloved character actor and much-less-beloved director Gary Marshall's ode to overstuffed celebrity casts. Meanwhile Elliott reveals himself to be the Man of Twelve Voices, Dan displays his very specific Hector Elizondo-related speech impediment, and Stuart withholds the housecat for MAXIMUM IMPACT.

0:00 - 0:39 - SEXY Introduction and theme
0:40 - 3:27 - We work ourselves up into discussing the movie with some of our usual gibberish.
0:28 - 36:41- Cuddle up tight with your loved one and share your most romantic pair of earbuds for this discussion of Valentine's Day.
36:42 - 39:37- Final judgments
39:38 - 52:41 - An epic Flop House Movie Mailbag
52:42 - 57:33- The sad bastards recommend
57:34 - 59:25 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Valentine's Day

Episode #73 - Devil

2011-01-22T10:36:00.000-08:00

When is an M. Night Shyamalan movie not an M. Night Shyamalan movie? When it's Devil. Meanwhile Dan reveals the risks a woman faces when stumbling in a watermelon patch, Elliott reveals his hidden hatred of other ethnic groups, and Stuart finally caves to the joys of list-making.

0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme
0:33 - 36:30- Sure M. Night Shyamalan makes amazing Flop House movies as a director and as a writer, but can he bring that same anti-magic as a producer?
36:31 - 38:18- Final judgments
38:19 - 39:25 - Pause for station identification
39:26 - 44:55 - The Flop House Movie Mailbag
44:56 - 51:02- The sad bastards recommend (Including a very special fantasy recommendation)
51:03 - 54:38 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Devil.

Episode #72 - Killers

2011-01-08T09:35:00.000-08:00

Katherine Heigl cements her bid to be our lady-Gerard-Butler with her turn in the "oops, my husband is a killer" 2010 "comedy," Killers. Meanwhile, Blue Dan makes an appearance, Stuart makes his classiest recommendation yet, and Lou reveals his high-rolling Broadway show-going lifestyle.

0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.
0:33 - 4:00 - We re-introduce guest host Lou Fernandez of Lou Reads the Internet for You.
4:01 - 34:20 - We discuss the Kutcher-Heigl collaboration that America's 12-year-olds were clamoring for.
34:21 - 36:35 - Final judgments
40:07 - 47:45 - We expand our flop purview to include The Great White Way, as Lou relates his experience seeing "Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark."
47:46 - 56:42 - The sad bastards recommend.
56:43 - 58:07 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Killers.

Apologies if the sound is a little weird on this episode. Dan was experimenting with some new audio software, but the end result came out a bit over-compressed. Things should be back to normal next time.

Episode #71 - The Last Airbender

2010-12-19T08:23:00.000-08:00

How much do we love you guys? We love you so much that--as a special holiday treat--we took on the worst film of 2010 for you. You're welcome. Meanwhile, Stuart conducts the sound effects train, Elliott reveals Mark Twain's saucy sideline, Dan gets shut out of the kissing booth, and the whole gang constructs a bizarre scenario about Bryce Dallas Howard.

0:00 - 0:31 - Introduction and theme.
0:32 - 33:37 - How much air could an airbender bend if an airbender was The Last Airbender? The answer is surprisingly dull.
33:38- 40:06 - Some highly digressive final judgments
40:07 - 54:58 - The Flop House Movie Mailbag
54:59 - 58:46 - The sad bastards recommend.
58:47 - 59:26 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

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Wikpedia synopsis of The Last Airbender.

And, as a bonus, enjoy this video of Stuart busting out his best airbending moves:

Episode #70 - Jonah Hex

2010-12-05T05:45:00.000-08:00

Dan's working on a freelance assignment, so he doesn't have time to write full show notes right now, but enjoy this week's episode, as we take on Jonah Hex.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

The Flop House on Underrated Movies

2010-12-01T06:40:00.000-08:00

We spend a lot of time at the Flop House mocking bad movies, so why don't we take a moment to celebrate some underrated ones. Head on over to our friend Matt Bird's blog "Cockeyed Caravan" (home of excellent screenwriting advice, film analysis, and oddball comics art in addition to the underrated films) to check out Dan's underrated movie picks and Elliott's underrated movie picks.

The Flop House is Taking Thanksgiving Off

2010-11-25T05:21:00.000-08:00

But please enjoy this seasonal video from occasional guest co-host and friend of the show Matt Koff:

And, of course, there's always this holiday favorite:

Photoshop: The Dumb Joke's Friend

2010-11-23T11:12:00.000-08:00

Episode #69 - Big Money Rustlas

2010-11-12T12:39:00.000-08:00

We risk the Faygo-fueled wrath of Juggalos everywhere with our takedown of the ICP-in-the-old-west vanity project Big Money Rustlas. Meanwhile, Stuart reveals his clown ethnic roots, Elliott gives us a history lesson about England's wartime Baby Prime Minister, and Dan responds to libelous accusations about his sexual proclivities.

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme.
0:34 - 4:15 - We kill a little time needling Elliott and remembering Dino de Laurentiis.
4:16 - 29:36 - Fuckin' movies, how do they work?
29:37- 33:16 - Final judgments
33:17 - 39:27 - The sad bastards recommend.
39:28 - 47:13 - Instead of cutting our losses, we waste even more time.
47:14 - 48:04 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Wikipedia synopsis of Big Money Rustlas

PLUGS CORNER

Check out this humor piece Dan wrote for Slate.com. It's about zombies. You nerds like zombies, right?

Elliott and Stu enduring B.M.R.

Episode #68 - Teen Witch

2010-10-29T06:57:00.000-07:00

At long last, all three of our intrepid co-hosts have returned, which can only mean one thing -- finally we get to do the CONTEST-WINNER-SELECTED MOVIE! And what movie has he selected? The wish-fulfillment-for-tween-girls-of-the-late-80's spectacular Teen Witch. Meanwhile Elliott explains the new Subway Teenwich, Dan objects to Gawker's misuse of the English language, and Stuart reveals his new erection-based rating system.

0:00 - 0:35 - Introduction and SHOCKTOBER theme.
0:36 - 6:17 - Your regular co-hosts waste six minutes talking about how nice it is to all be in the same room again.
6:18 - 32:15 - We are all giddy, GIDDY, to be watching Teen Witch -- a classic bad movie -- rather than the usual modern, sub-mediocre Hollywood crap.
32:16- 37:15- Final judgments
37:16 - 49:44 Flop House Mailbag
49:45 - 54:39- The sad bastards recommend.*
54:40 - 56:09 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

*A correction -- Dan says that the director of The Invisible Maniac also did The Hazing. He was thinking of Rolfe Kanefsky who helmed the similarly "using supernatural powers to see naked ladies"-themed movie Pretty Cool. The Invisible Maniac was by Adam Rifkin who went on to Hollywood projects like Detroit Rock City.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Teen Witch

PLUGS CORNER

Elliott is hosting another Closely Watched Films screening, this one of the great 1936 drama "Dodsworth", the somehow uplifting story of the dissolution of a marriage.

Wednesday, Nov. 3rd, 7:30pm
@ 92YTribeca
200 Hudson St.
New York

Check out Dan's Halloween article over at Whim Quarterly.

And, for the few in America that haven't had the pleasure...

Flop House Methadone

2010-10-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

A new Flop House will be posted this weekend, but in the meantime you can get some of that F.H. flavor over at the Beginnings podcast, where Andy Beckerman and Mark Bisi interview Elliott about his career in comedy (and say some very kind things about our own show). Take a listen!

Episode #67 - The Uninvited

2010-10-17T08:33:00.000-07:00

John Kingman is INVITED to join Stu and Dan for a discussion of The Uninvited. See what we did there? Sigh. The quality of our clever intros is slipping just as much as the likelihood of all three co-hosts being in a room together. But that doesn't keep this second Shocktober episode from being shocktastic. Meanwhile, Dan reveals a surprising knowledge of Alanis Morrisette's ouvre, Stuart turns the audience into his personal assistants, and John patiently waits for an introduction that's a long time coming.

0:00 - 0:39 - Introduction and SHOCKTOBER theme.
0:40 - 35:46 - Turns out "The Uninvited" isn't a horror movie about an angry guest who didn't get invited to Elliott's wedding. Instead, it's about ghosts or crazy people, or some shit.
35:47- 39:13- Final judgments
39:14 - 45:44- The sad bastards recommend.
45:45 - 46:39 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

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Wikipedia synopsis of The Uninvited

PLUG CORNER

Dan's screenplay (well, 20 pages of it) gets a staged reading by professional actors, along with an excerpt from another "hot screenplay" (as the press release puts it), courtesy of the WGA East, THIS MONDAY, October 18 at 7:30 PM at the JCC in Manhattan, 334 Amsterdam Ave, at 76th St.

The Greatest Work of Art in American History?

2010-10-08T06:11:00.000-07:00

Check out this fan art from Flop House superfan Matt Wolf. Mr. Wolf has clearly set the bar by which all future fan art will be judged. Just look at the detail work put into Stuart's scorpion belt buckle (and impressive package). The one question Dan has is: what's with all his pouches?

I can't get Blogger to let me display the image at full size, but I've uploaded it to our Facebook page if you want a clearer look.

The Flop House: Episode #66 - Blood: The Last Vampire

2010-10-02T12:29:00.000-07:00

We come roaring... well, stumbling, back with 2/3rds of The Flop House crew, plus Spanish-language podcasting superstar Federico Hatoum. And the good news is, we've returned in time for Shocktober, with the incorrectly-named Blood: The Last Vampire. Meanwhile, Elliott and Dan engage in a competition as to who can get divorced first, and Fed beguiles us with the beauty of his native tongue.

0:00 - 0:37 - Introduction and SHOCKTOBER theme.
0:38 - 8:47 - We spend nearly ten minutes introducing our special guest Federico Hatoum, and explaining why we've been M.I.A. for over a month.
8:48 - 28:49 - We talk about Blood: The Last Vampire... or, more accurately, "CG Blood: The Last Vampire."
29:50- 34:36- Final judgments
34:37 - 47:54 - PLUGS! which eventually devolve into a series of mouth-sounds.
47:55 - 58:52 - The sad bastards recommend.
58:53 - 1:00:12 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Download the MP3 directly, HERE.

Paste theflophouse.libsyn.com/rss into iTunes (or your favorite podcatching software) to have new episodes of The Flop House delivered to you directly, as they're released.

Wikipedia synopsis of Blood: The Last Vampire

PLUG CORNER

Listen to guest host Fed Hatoum's hit Spanish-language Mac podcast PuroMac... if you speak Spanish. And like Apple products.

Elliott screens The Black Cat as part of his series "Closely Watched Films" at 92Y Tribeca, 200 Hudson St., Manhattan, on Wednesday, October 6 at 7:30 PM.

Dan's screenplay (well, 20 pages of it) gets a staged reading by professional actors, along with an excerpt from another "hot screenplay" (as the press release puts it), courtesy of the WGA East, on Monday, October 18 at 7:30 PM at the JCC in Manhattan, 334 Amsterdam Ave, at 76th St.

A Treat While We're On Hiatus

2010-09-20T13:55:00.000-07:00

In the absence of new episodes, while Dan is at the New York Television Festival, we relay this video to you (courtesy of these guys in Austin, TX) which proves that -- when it comes to the amazingness of Chris Klein's performance in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li, we weren't lying.

Everything Chris Klein Says in "The Legend of Chun Li" from Jeff Rubin on Vimeo.

September is a Wash

2010-09-17T06:35:00.000-07:00

We wanted to have a new podcast up for you this week. We really did, especially since Elliott was just selfish enough to go get himself married to a lovely woman, throwing our schedule way out of whack. Unfortunately, it's just not gonna happen.

Don't worry, we weren't all swept up in the Brooklyn tornado of 2010. The reason is much more pleasant -- Dan's finally flirting with a little success. He had some freelance video work that had to take precedence, and he won't be available for taping next week, either, since he'll be at the New York Television Festival in support of his independent pilot, 9 AM Meeting, which is an official selection of the fest.

That's all the bad news. The good news is, if you live in the New York area, and you want your Flop House fix, you can drop by the aforementioned TV fest to see one of the screenings. Dan will be taking part in a Q&A afterward, and you may even be able to collar Stu or Elliott in the crowd. The screenings are FREE, and you can reserve online (there's a service charge, but it's per order, so you can get multiple tickets and split the fee with friends). And several nights include OPEN BARS for everyone with a ticket stub, so maybe you'll get lucky.

SCREENING DATES/TIMES

1st screening: Wednesday, Sept. 22nd at 9:45 pm
2nd screening: Thursday, Sept. 23rd at 7:30 pm

It screens as part of the "Animation 2 Block:"
A Guy and His Beaver
Owl's Ghetto Television
9 AM Meeting
Max The Hero

So come on out, if you can, and support Dan -- it may end up helping him change careers to something that'll actually make him happy, which will mean fewer trademark mournful sighs, but probably make him funnier overall.

We WILL be back in SHOCKTOBER, with our special CONTEST WINNER SELECTION EPISODE and other seasonal treats. Until then, we apologize for the gap, and hope that you all won't abandon us for "Ask a Ninja." (Is that still at thing?)

Kisses - The Flop House

The Flop House on the Dance Floor

2010-09-08T08:08:00.000-07:00

While we recover from weddings, vacations, and honeymoons, please enjoy these pictures of The Flop House busting a move at Elliott's nuptials, in their own inimitable fashion.

Elliott is a Member of High Society

2010-09-06T16:03:00.000-07:00

Elliott's wedding made the NY Times. For those too lazy to click a link, I'll save you the trouble by quoting the best part:

"He has also appeared on the show in roles like Doodle Von Taintstain and Toppington Von Monocle, and as himself."

A wedding in the Times. Not bad Elliott. Of course, it's not as impressive as having your nuptials mentioned in the Times, the Post (they don't archive them online, but trust us), and the Kno t, like some floppers we could mention. BETTER LUCK NEXT MARRIAGE.

(Congratulations.)

Game Called on Account of MARRIAGE

2010-08-26T15:27:00.000-07:00

No new episode this week, because Stu and Dan are hopping into their motorcycle and sidecar to Mad Mad Mad Mad World their way from one coast to the other to watch their li'l buddy Elliott get married (in an adventure soon to be made into the heartwarming ABC Family special "A Very Floppy Wedding").

While we're gone, please feel free to dip into our archives of hilarious past episodes. And also the ones that aren't so good. And dream of the three of us dancing to wedding favorites.

See you in September!

Elliott's Comic Was Released Today!

2010-08-18T13:45:00.001-07:00

I've got my copy! How about you?

It was delicious.

Episode #65 - Old Dogs

2010-08-15T08:40:00.000-07:00

Is it possible John Travolta and director Walt Becker could top Wild Hogs? Well, when it comes to Old Dogs, it depends on what you mean by "top." Meanwhile, Stuart reveals some exciting personal news, Dan explains how this movie is the modern "Kangaroo Jack," and Elliott previews his new one-man show at (great) length.

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme.
0:34 - 6:13 - So much talk about weddings that you'd think you were listening to three schoolgirls, if not for the World of Warcraft reference.
6:14 - 42:05 - A scintillating discussion of Old Dogs, the family film that's fun for no ages, as well as our longest, most absurd digression yet.
42:06 - 43:03- Final judgments are handily dispensed with.
43:04 - 48:17 - Dan manages to announce our CONTEST WINNER, despite Elliott and Stu's best efforts to not let him get the name out.
48:18 - 55:45 - The sad bastards recommend.
55:46 - 58:24 - Plugs, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Old Dogs

PLUG CORNER

Take a look at a preview of Age of Heroes #4, the MARVEL COMIC FEATURING A STORY WRITTEN BY THE FLOP HOUSE'S OWN ELLIOTT KALAN. Then go buy a copy of the full comic this Wednesday, ya cheapskate!

Check out the music of Lydia Burrell (AKA Alex Smith). He's a friend of Flopper Stuart, and his album was produced by My Morning Jacket frontman Yim Yames. So, you know. Hipster cred.

Dan's webseries 9 AM Meeting is an Official Selection of the New York Television Festival. Check out a screening! Tickets are free, but reservations are required (box office opens September 1).

Episode #64 - Repo Men

2010-07-31T08:45:00.000-07:00

Finally we get to watch a truly great movie, Alex Cox's seminal punk classic Repo Man, which... wait, what? We're watching Repo MEN? That piece of shit? Oy. Meanwhile, Stuart retains his man of mystery status by not revealing where he's working, Elliott gives us anecdote after delightful anecdote about Tommy Wiseau, and Dan reveals a secret plot to repossess Abraham Lincoln's organs.

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme.
0:34 - 27:35 - Jude Law and Forrest Whittaker repossess both our will to live and to discuss the movie Repo Men.
27:36 - 33:19 - Final judgments, and Elliott's rambling Lethal Weapon 2 digression.
33:20 - 49:04 - A brimming Flop House Movie Mailbag.
49:05 - 58:50 - Instead of recommendations, Elliott gives us a firsthand report on San Diego's ComiCon.
58:51 - 59:41 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Repo Men

Flop House Side Project Plugs Corner

2010-07-25T16:59:00.000-07:00

Since Elliott is in California to prep for his wedding/attend ComiCon, and since Dan was sick for literally a week with some sort of death virus he picked up in Delaware, there's no new show this week. However, to tide you over, we present this...

FLOP HOUSE SIDE PROJECT PLUGS CORNER.

Elliott:

The most hyper-verbal of the floppers would like to promote his next film screening at 92Y Tribeca (part of his "Closely Watched Films" series) -- John Ford's The Hurricane.

Out of print on DVD!

Handsome Polynesian native Jon Hall finds himself jailed and trapped in a battle of wills with law and order-obsessed colonial governor Raymond Massey. Desperate to return home, Hall attempts a series of daring but unsuccessful escapes. Just when it seems things can't get any worse - the hurricane hits.

Directed by John Ford, the great master of American filmmaking and with an all-star cast featuring Dorothy Lamour, Mary Astor and Academy Award-winner Thomas Mitchell, The Hurricane is a glossy, romantic, larger-than-life melodrama so rousing it once caused fistfights to break out among Soviet troops. As exciting and entertaining as it is unabashedly corny, the center piece of the film is a frighteningly realistic hurricane that's still impressive over 70 years later.

Elliott will discuss the tragic loss of innocent film escapism, where a South Seas adventure fits into the oeuvre of a director best known for John Wayne westerns and whether a movie is racist if the actor playing the Polynesian hero is only half-Tahitian.

Plus! A second movie unavailable on DVD—cut down to 10 minutes so you get only the best parts!

Director: John Ford. 104 min. 1937. 35mm.

Wed, Aug 4, 2010
8:00pm
92YTribeca, 200 Hudson Street
$12.00

Dan McCoy

Mr. Mournful Sigh has less to sigh about this week with the publication of his second humor piece at Slate.com. At this rate he'll be able to quit his day job... whenever Slate stops paying Internet rates and starts paying him screenplay rates. But it's a funny piece, and you should read it. It's about Inception. Which is a movie. You like movies, right? I mean, you listen to a movie podcast. So we just figured... OH WHATEVER.

Also, you might enjoy this video, the latest episode of the other wing of his vast Internet empire, the web series 9 AM Meeting:

Stuart Wellington

The dreamboat of the Flop House crew doesn't have anything in particular to plug, but in the absence of his soothing bass rumble, the ladies might enjoy this glamor photo, shot tastefully from package-level.

Rrrowl.

Episode #63 - From Paris With Love

2010-07-09T10:10:00.000-07:00

What actors possess the sheer athleticism and breezy charm to sell a mismatched-partners action-comedy? According to the producers of From Paris With Love, it's John Travolta and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers. We'll let you discover whether they're correct. Meanwhile, Dan gets oddly formal, Elliott lets us in on some Kelsey Grammar secrets; and Stuart establishes our pecking order, human centipede-style.

0:00 - 0:16 - Introduction and theme

0:17 - 34:17 - Luc Besson-produced films are usually good for some dumb thrills. Remove the thrills, and you've got From Paris With Love.

34:18 - 36:55 - Final judgments

36:56 - 41:30 - Friendly's with benefits

41:31 - 45:19 - NEW CONTEST ALERT

45:20 - 55:03 - The sad bastards recommend

55:04 - 55:54 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes

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Wikipedia synopsis of From Paris With Love

The Flop House Loves America (But Hates You)!

2010-07-05T20:28:00.000-07:00

You've probably noticed by now that there's no new Flop House, this week. That's because we were busy doing American things like seeing a baseball game, grilling up a storm, and watching Toy Story 3 (damn you Toy Story 3 for making us feel emotions!).

In fact, we've been so busy that we didn't find the time to post this message about no new episode until well after we normally post the new episode. However, rest assured that we have been thinking about all you wonderful listeners (in-between shooting bottle rockets at each other), and we'll have a new episode up at the end of this week.

Brent Spiner hopes you had a better Independence Day than he did.

Elliott Screens "Human Desire!"

2010-06-30T06:51:00.000-07:00

Elliott Kalan invites you to the next in his series of movies-he-likes-and-you'll-like-'em-too "Closely Watched Films," next Wednesday, July 7th at 8pm. He'll be showing Fritz Lang's vastly underrated film noir of lust, murder, and train travel Human Desire along with a 10-minute edited version of another tale of temptation and punishment, "Dante's Inferno" starring Spencer Tracey.

Plus, he'll be giving away copies of the "Columbia Pictures: Film Noir Classics II" box set, an all-new collection of five great noir films. Can you afford NOT to come to this screening? Obviously, you cannot.

Closely Watched Films: Human Desire
hosted by Elliott Kalan
Wednesday, July 7th, 8pm
92YTribeca
200 Hudson St.
Manhattan
$12

Train conductor and returning Korean War veteran Glenn Ford thinks he can ease back into the comforting monotony of the railroad. He didn't count on a lethal attraction to pouty, trash-glamorous Gloria Grahame and her hulking brute of a husband (Academy Award winner Broderick Crawford) who's already got blood on his jealous hands. Will Glenn give Gloria up to the police? Can Gloria escape her husband's clutches? Will America's rail commuters notice the acid-tinged love triangle playing out beneath their noses?

Regularly overlooked, Fritz Lang's Human Desire is a sharp, painful wonder of film noir, one of the bleakest and most austere films to come out of Hollywood. Lang and screenwriter Alfred Hayes beautifully reduce Emile Zola's La Bete Humaine to its dark heart and transplant it to the ambiguous world of post-war manhood. A must-see for noir-lovers.

PLUS: 1 1/2 Feature! Human Desire will be accompanied by a "Compressed Classic" 10-minute edit of another not-on-DVD wonder.

Director: Fritz Lang. 91 min. 1954. 35mm.

Episode #62 - Legion

2010-06-19T09:10:00.000-07:00

If a 13-year-old boy wrote an early-90's Image comic book and pitched it to Zach Snyder's third unit director, then you might wind up with something like Legion. Meanwhile, Dan tries to make it all about his birthday, Elliott expounds on some Flop House in-jokes, and Stuart offers Wolverine a real Sophie's choice.

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme
0:35 - 40:51 - God has decided to punish us. Not by sending all of the angels from heaven to wipe out humanity - by making us watch Legion. (And punish Dan in particular by making Stu and Elliott interrupt him more than ever before.)
40:52 - 42:14 - Final judgments
42:15 - 57:47 - The Flop House Movie Mailbag threatens to take over the show.
57:48 - 59:21 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Legion

Episode #61 - Surrogates

2010-06-05T09:02:00.000-07:00

Imagine you were a robot. Now imagine everyone else is a robot. Now imagine Bruce Willis is a robot. Two out of three of those things are pretty hard to imagine, right? Welcome to the world of Surrogates. Meanwhile, Elliott imagines a lost Disney live-action hit, Stuart tells us what his surrogate would look like, and Dan plucks the low-hanging fruit.

0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme
0:33 - 34:34 - Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry, when we take you out in our discussion of Surrogates.
34:35 - 37:20 - Final judgments
38:21 - 45:55 - The Flop House Movie Mailbag.
45:56 - 51:40- The sad bastards recommend.
51:41 - 54:25 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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Elliott Screens "Million Dollar Legs" With Guest John Oliver!

2010-05-26T13:40:00.000-07:00

If you want to take a break from Elliott complaining about bad movies, and see him discuss a good movie (one that you'll get to see as well!) with special guest British person John Oliver of TV's The Daily Show With Jon Stewart, then NOW'S YOUR CHANCE. We quote the 92Y Tribeca website:

"W. C. Fields (drunk, blowhard and funniest man in history) stars as the President of Klopstokia, a tiny goat-ridden country where everyone's an Olympic-level athlete and the women are all named Angela. Join American goofball Migg Tweeny (Jack Oakie) as he discovers the secrets of this strange land and tries to save its beleaguered leader from rebellious cabinet secretaries, spies (sexy and otherwise) and the 1932 Los Angeles Summer Olympics.

Million Dollar Legs is a raucous, corny, grab-bag of a movie that straddles the unsteady line between old-fashioned wacky comedy and near stream-of-consciousness surrealist cinema. Anyone who thinks the comedy of randomness began with Adult Swim or SNL Digital Shorts

should see it."

Wed, Jun 2, 2010, 8:00 pm

92YTribeca, 200 Hudson Street

$12

Buy your tickets now!

Episode 60 - All About Steve

2010-05-20T16:34:00.000-07:00

Since Dan is gone this weekend at a wedding, Flopsmas is coming early this year! Enjoy a rare Thursday-posted episode!

We'll say this for Sandra Bullock - she throws herself into every role, even the ones she shouldn't, like the lead in All About Steve. Meanwhile, Brock makes a plea for simple job competence, Dan questions the film's view of the high-stakes crosswords world, and Stuart gives a recap lesson in cookery.

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme
0:35 - 2:30 - We reintroduce special guest host Brock Mahan.
2:31 - 36:53 - We put on our critics' high-heeled red leather boots to take on the no-rom, no-com, rom-com All About Steve
40:56 - 40:55 - Final judgments
40:56 - 44:07 - An all-comments Flop House mailbag.
48:45 - 55:07- The sad bastards recommend.
55:08 - 57:53 - Plugs, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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Road Games

2010-05-17T10:16:00.000-07:00

Check out this goofy poster for Road Games, Dan's movie recommendation from the last episode, courtesy of Wrong Side of the Art, which collects terrific old exploitation art.

Episode #59 - Law Abiding Citizen

2010-05-09T11:49:00.000-07:00

What do you get when you take Death Wish, mix it with Saw, and add a soupçon of Gerard Butler? An unholy mess, that's what. Meanwhile, Elliott pitches our cartoon spin off, Dan leads us down a side road about Back to the Future Part II that goes fucking nowhere, and Stuart boasts about his giant... sandwich-making prowess.

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme
0:34 - 2:24 - We waste a few minutes talking about how long it's been since we've invaded your ear-holes.
2:25 - 35:39 - We discuss Law Abiding Citizen, the most egregious crime against hyphens since The 40 Year Old Virgin.
35:39 - 38:18 - Final judgments
38:20 - 39:25 - Station identification
39:26 - 44:07 - We attempt to re-create a Flop House Movie Mailbag from memory, and we make fun of Stuart's fragile mental state.
44:08 - 52:10- The sad bastards recommend.
52:11 - 53:01 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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The Flop House Still Exists

2010-05-02T15:36:00.000-07:00

We promise!

However, due to a confluence of factors, including Dan owning all the equipment, Dan being on vacation last week, and Dan being involved in a super-secret project this week, we've been forced to take our longest hiatus yet.

However, fear not, Flop fans! A new episode will be posted next Sunday. Cross our hearts.

Episode #58 - Twilight: New Moon

2010-04-11T12:23:00.000-07:00

There are Flop House movies that are actual flops, and then there are huge blockbusters that need the flop treatment. We take a look at one of the latter. Meanwhile, Elliott takes us on a trip through the thesaurus entry for "muscular," Stuart shows his anti-romantic streak, and Dan reveals one of the many ways in which he's like a teenage girl.

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme
0:35 - 37:36 - Hail, hail, the gang's all here. Which gang? All of the supposedly-full-time Flop House co-hosts! A podcast with all three floppers together comes along once in a blue moon. Or in this case, a new moon. A Twilight: New Moon. ...Remind me never to hire myself as a copywriter.
37:37 - 39:33 - Final judgments
39:34 - 43:31 - The long-awaited WINNERS of the "Give Dan a Hook" contest!
43:32 - 51:19 - The sad bastards recommend.
51:20 - 52:13 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

If you didn't win the"GIVE DAN A HOOK" contest, but still want to hear the DVD commentary we did for John Ott's short horror film, STULL, you can just purchase the thing outright, by going here.

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Flop House Cribs!

2010-04-05T09:57:00.001-07:00

Okay, so this wasn't actually produced for The Flop House, but rather to promote Elliott's 92Y Tribeca screening series, but if you ever wanted to see how 1/3 of The Flop House lives (hint: large) then now's your chance:

Episode #57 - Sorority Row

2010-03-27T14:38:00.000-07:00

Elliott and Dan are joined by Eric Zuckerman, an actor who's appeared in many films--including one starring patron saint of flop Gerard Butler--to discuss the slasher film Sorority Row. Meanwhile, in a star-studded podcast, Eric completely fails to give us inside information about Carrie Fisher, Dan is pimped into busting out his Michael Caine impression, and Elliott will not shut up about Anne Hatheway.

0:00 - 0:36 - Introduction and theme
0:37 - 8:10 - Before getting down to business we discuss Stuart's vacation, Dan's nasal surgery, and the acting career of guest host Eric Zuckerman.
8:11 - 39:48 - We talk about Sorority Row, the remake of House on Sorority Row, which, of course, was a remake of Erich Von Stroheim's Greed, based on the novel Push, by Sapphire.
39:49 - 44:17 - Final judgments
44:18 - 52:00 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
52:01 - 59:14 - The sad bastards recommend.
59:15 - 59:53 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

VOTE FOR DAN'S HOOK!

If you don't want to enter the "GIVE DAN A HOOK" contest, but still want to hear the DVD commentary we did for John Ott's short horror film, STULL, you can just purchase the thing outright, by going here.

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The Flop House is on Medical Leave

2010-03-17T10:10:00.000-07:00

Sadly, while this would normally be one of the Flop House's "on" weeks, there will be no new episode this weekend. Why? Because Dan is going UNDER THE KNIFE.

What's wrong with him? Well, if Dan were to listen to the part of his brain that craves outpourings of attention and sympathy, he would tell you it's something HORRIBLE and LIFE-THREATENING... However, if he was going to listen to the part of his brain that wants him to be honest, he would tell you that it's a minor procedure to correct his deviated septum so he can breathe through his nose properly.

Therefore, he is getting surgery for Indonesian Bone Flu. He is being very brave and handsome about it. Especially handsome.

We'll see you with a new episode next weekend!

"You're a very nosy fellow, kitty cat. Huh? You know what happens to nosy fellows? Huh? No? Wanna guess? Huh? No? Okay. They lose their noses."

The Most Important Election in Your Lifetime

2010-03-16T10:49:00.001-07:00

Elliott Promotes His Next Screening

2010-03-15T15:25:00.000-07:00

My next film screening at 92YTribeca is going to be another good one, an underseen classic of Japanese cinema: It's called "Kill!", and it's not as violent as it sounds (though it does have a lot of sword-fighting in it). It's a very fun movie, and I'm going to be joined after the screening by special guest Evan Dorkin, the cartoonist behind such classic works as "Milk & Cheese", "Dork", and the recent Dark Horse series "Beasts Of Burden" about housepets who solve supernatural mysteries. He's also a top-shelf movie fan and scholar, someone I always enjoy talking to, and a world-class raconteur. He alone will be worth the price of admission. But you also get a movie with it!

"Kill!"
Wednesday, April 7, 8pm
92YTribeca
200 Hudson St.
Manhattan
More info about the movie and tickets for sale.

Kill! (1968)
Sly, cynical Genta hates being a samurai. Naïve farmer Hanjiro dreams of becoming one. They find themselves on opposite sides of a violent rebellion. They meet while attempting to catch an elusive chicken. This is not a normal samurai movie.

Director Kihachi Okamoto's Kill! is among other things a sharp satirical comedy, a top-notch samurai adventure, a disillusioned take on the masculine myths of Japanese history and a re-appropriation of the spaghetti westerns that had already appropriated earlier samurai films. Starring Japan's great leading man Tatsuya Nakadai (subject of a recent Film Forum career retrospective) as a hero who's more Bugs Bunny than bushido.

Episode #56 - Whiteout

2010-03-06T14:14:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow, celebrate cinematic excellence at The Oscars, but today, celebrate cinematic feculence with our discussion of Whiteout. Meanwhile, Dan gets a strong hook contender, Elliott demonstrates his punning prowess, and Amanda tells the world's best talking doll story.

0:00 - 0:31 - Introduction and theme
0:31 - 5:00 - We reintroduce guest co-host Amanda Melson, and spend nearly five full minutes reminiscing about the New York comedy scene in a way that's almost completely alienating to outsiders.
5:01 - 39:12 - You know your movie's in trouble when even an ice ax-wielding killer and Kate Beckinsale in her underwear can't generate any excitement
39:13 - 43:10 - Final judgments
43:11 - 48:00 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
48:01 - 53:48 - The sad bastards recommend.
53:49 - 54:52 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

If you don't want to enter the "GIVE DAN A HOOK" contest, but still want to hear the DVD commentary we did for John Ott's short horror film, STULL, you can just purchase the thing outright, by going here.

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Dan Live Blogs the Oscars for the Writer's Guild at FireDogLake

2010-03-05T09:28:00.000-08:00

I have been asked by the Writer's Guild to join a group of far more distinguished writers than myself in live blogging the Academy Awards this Sunday evening. You can follow it on the "La Figa" blog on the FireDogLake site.

So if you enjoy the sort of film commentary you get here, but would like to get a marginally more respectful, less explicit, written version (sadly without Stuart and Elliott's hilarious interruptions)--and if you have no Oscar party to attend, but still want to feel like you're watching the show with friends--then have I got the event for you. I quote the press release:

Writers Guild of America, East's TV/Comedy Writers liveblog the Oscars on FireDogLake.com

Emmy winners and nominees are at your service!

Past and present writers from Letterman, Politically Incorrect, Best Week Ever, The Chris Rock Show, and other comedy and even news shows are liveblogging the Oscars at top progressive blog FireDogLake.com. TV's funniest and/or smartest programming is written by Writers Guild members so you know this will be an irreverent but industry smart take on the Oscars.

Writers Guild members live blogging are:

Michael Winship, WGAE President and senior writer on Bill Moyers Journal

Fred Graver, Emmy Winner and founder of iLarious, Creator of VH1's Best Week Ever, former Letterman, In Living Color & pretty much everything else you've ever seen.

John Marshall, Emmy nominated writer from The Chris Rock Show, Politically Incorrect, The Electric Company

Caissie St.Onge, Best Week Ever, The Rosie O'Donnell Show

Justin DiLauro, CBS News Promo writer (and master of brevity)

Bonnie Datt, The Confirmed Bachelors and fashion blogger for Racked.com.

Dan McCoy, 9am Meeting, two time Channey Award winner shown on Channel 101 New York

Dan McNamara, The Bear, The Cloud and God seen on Comedy Central and Atom.com and "Amazing The Lion" on the Independent Comedy Network

Timothy Michael Cooper, Concierge: The Series

and WGAE Executive Director Lowell Peterson (who's much funnier than a union leader needs to be).

The Writers Guild of America, East is doing this because 1. it's going to be entertaining and 2. to bring attention to the fact that the best writing for TV, film, radio and webseries is done by UNION members.

Join us starting at 6pm est. We’ll be covering the Oscars from the Red Carpet to the credits.

Underrated Movies? Here Are Dan's Picks

2010-03-05T04:44:00.000-08:00

My buddy Matt is the proprietor of of an excellent blog called Cockeyed Caravan, devoted to highlighting underrated or underseen films. Recently he's asked various luminaries and/or people he knows to contribute their own list of movies.

I think you can see where this is headed: you can see my list HERE.

Thanks to Matt for having me guest-blog, and I'll try not to be insulted that he stuck me in the Friday slot of death. Seriously, it's like I'm a Joss Whedon show and he's Fox or something.*

*If Matt's reading this: I'm just busting your balls. Don't let this keep you from having me back!

Elliott the Renaissance (Voice of a) Man

2010-03-02T11:11:00.000-08:00

You may associate Elliott's expressive pipes with The Flop House, but did you know he was the announcer for The Daily Show "Decider" segments? Check a couple of them out here, in this collection of their greatest comic book moments.

Movie Minute #35 - Best Picture Decimal System

2010-02-28T18:30:00.000-08:00

TEN BEST PICTURE NOMINEES? HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?!

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Episode #55 - The Ugly Truth

2010-02-21T11:07:00.000-08:00

Repeat Flop House offenders Gerard Butler and Katherine Heigl team up in The Ugly Truth, a terrible romantic comedy that Stuart really, really wanted us to watch for some reason. Maybe because he's just an ol' softie! Meanwhile, Elliott pitches his new hit tragicomedy "Bad Date," Stuart reveals his NBC sitcom holodeck fantasy, and Dan uses the word "whack" as in "out of whack" but is still mercilessly made fun of by his co-hosts as if he was trying to get gangsta.

0:00 - 0:30 - Introduction and theme
0:31 - 3:35 - Stuart wastes all of our time by discussing his upcoming 30th birthday.
3:36 - 34:25 - If your criteria for a romantic comedy is that it specifically contains the words "the" and "truth," and has a negative descriptor in the middle, may we suggest The Awful Truth, starring Cary Grant?
34:26 - 40:31 - Final judgments All three: bad bad
40:32 - 50:00 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
50:01 - 51:14 - An explanation of the new Movie Minute policy.
51:15 - 56:31 - The sad bastards recommend.
56:32 - 58:30 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

If you don't want to enter the "GIVE DAN A HOOK" contest, but still want to hear the DVD commentary we did for John Ott's short horror film, STULL, you can just purchase the thing outright, by going here.

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Wikipedia synopsis of The Ugly Truth

Here's Stuart, so happy that The Ugly Truth is over that he's doing a dance to the credits music:

Flop House Side Project Corner!

2010-02-15T09:53:00.001-08:00

In the absence of a new movie minute this week (and the last several alternate weeks--something which will be addressed in the next full episode) we present a couple of notable non-Flop House projects from the busy Flop House crew.

First off: Elliott has an article in Popular Mechanics! Yes, that Popular Mechanics! The popular one! About mechanics. Check it out HERE. He discusses the 1939 World's Fair, in his role as a lover of all things old-timey and also futuristic.

Second off: Dan has a new episode of his barely-animated series 9 AM Meeting (illustrated and edited by Dan and starring/written by him and Matt Koff). Watch it below!

And lastly: Stuart isn't doing anything on the side, other than working hard. But here's a picture of him as a circus strongman!

Episode #54 - Gamer

2010-02-06T17:43:00.000-08:00

Don't hate the player; hate the game. On second thought, hate the Gamer. Meanwhile, Dan laments the downfall of the previously-dependable entertaining-trash team of Neveldine/Taylor, Matt finds his new super-muscular bête noir, and Elliott comes up with a much wackier way to end an already wacky movie.

0:00 - 0:36 - Introductions and Theme
0:37 - 33:42- We welcome Matt Koff, our second guest host of a still-young 2010, and we introduce him to a rising star named Gerard Butler, in a little film called Gamer.
33:43 - 37:57 - Final Judgments (Dan: almost-good/bad bad, Elliott: bad bad, Matt: bad bad bad)
37:58 - 48:38- A very navel-gazing movie mailbag.
38:39 - 51:47 - Two out of three sad bastards recommending aint' bad.
51:48 - 52:37 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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Episode #53 - Hannah Montana: The Movie

2010-01-23T10:41:00.000-08:00

Is this the only time three grown men watched Hannah Montana: The Movie and it wasn't creepy? (Answer: with Stuart involved, it's always a little bit creepy.) We spend more time discussing it than the writers spent writing it. Meanwhile, Dan questions the whole premise of teen-by-day/ pop-starlet-by-night, Stuart redefines topical humor, and Elliott re-imagines the movie as a taut psychological thriller.

0:00 - 0:34 - Introductions and Theme
0:35 - 3:00 - We welcome Elliott back and, for some reason, Stuart wastes time quizzing him and Dan about current events.
3:01 - 37:24 - We discuss Hannah Montana: The Movie, because surely the audience for that picture was white males in their late twenties to early thirties.
37:25 - 40:27 - Final Judgments (Elliott, Stu, and Dan agree - bad, but inoffensive)
40:28 - 53:49- Our longest letters segment yet, resulting in one of our patented vague Flop House contests.
53:50 - 56:49 - A very short sad bastards recommend.
56:50 - 58:14 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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Elliott Interviewed on Marvel.com

2010-01-15T08:01:00.000-08:00

Jet-setting man of mystery, professional raconteur, and amateur gadabout Elliott Kalan is a busy man, and he's just added another notch to his belt of cultural achievements (we tried to tell Elliott that belts are there to keep your pants up, not to measure your socio-artistic relevancy, but he was too busy tripping over his trousers to pay us any heed).

Namely, he has been interviewed by Marvel.com, the Internet wing of Marvel Comics (purveyor of fine power fantasies for teenagers both young and old) about his famous fanboyism*, meeting our president, and the super-secret story he wrote TO BE FOUND IN AN UPCOMING MARVEL COMIC!

He was also kind enough to take a break from his big-time lifestyle to mention a certain podcast in his bio. What a swell guy. Why not go read his interview?

*According to the link list of previous famous fanboys, Elliott is now a notable personality on par with Kristen Bell. Perhaps. Although if that's the yardstick, he's severely lagging behind in the area of pixieish adorability.

I Love Bad Movies Release Party

2010-01-15T07:47:00.000-08:00

It's not the Flop House meet-up we promised, but podcast superfans Matt and Kseniya are having a release party at Stuart's favorite watering hole, Sharlene's, for issue two of their old-fashioned-printed-on-actual-paper zine "I Love Bad Movies," featuring writings from some of the Flop House crew. There's a 90% chance that the whole team will be there hanging out, so why not stop on by, have a drink, chat, and maybe buy a copy of the new issue?

The Flop House: Episode #52 - Dragonball: Evolution

2010-01-10T10:02:00.000-08:00

If this is Dragonball: Evolution, we'd hate to see Dragonball: Neanderthal (this joke contributed by Milton Berle's secret joke file). Meanwhile, Dan tries to fill Elliott's tiny shoes, Stuart discusses the career of Ernie Hudson, and Nigel sounds 10% smarter than either of them.

0:00 - 0:36 - Introductions and Theme
0:37 - 3:47 - We introduce our guest co-host, Nigel Wood.
3:48 - 29:50 - We discuss 90 minutes of bright colors, loud noises, and disconnected action, in a DVD mislabeled "Dragonball: Evolution."
29:51 - 33:23 - Final Judgments Stu - bad-bad, Nigel bad-bad, Dan - actually kind of enjoyed it
33:24 - 34:30 - Station identification
34:31 - 41:46 - The sad bastards recommend.
45:47 - 45:02 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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And a Floppy New Year!

2010-01-02T07:38:00.000-08:00

Yes, we're still on holiday break. Why not use this time to catch up on all those Gossip Girls on your DVR, or empty your toaster crumb tray, or something? But fret not: we will be back with a full episode next week. In the meantime, listen to The Zombies as they sing wistfully about what we all hope lies ahead.

Merry Christmas! Your Gift is No New Episode!

2009-12-24T06:50:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone! Since Dan is off celebrating the birth of sweet baby Jesus, Stuart is sacrificing a virgin to appease the old ones, and Elliott is probably eating take-out Chinese food somewhere (if the movies have taught us anything about what Jewish people do at Christmas), there will be no new episode this week. In lieu of the usual auditory yuks, please accept this hot holiday pin-up of two-thirds of the Flop House, rocking their winter gear:

And enjoy the dulcet tones of Hall and Oates as they let us know the true meaning of the season:

See you in the new year!

The Flop House Movie Minute #34 - Movie Minute Mailbag: The Squeakquel

2009-12-20T13:15:00.000-08:00

We answer another letter from a loyal listener.

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Episode #51 - X-Men Origins: Wolverine

2009-12-12T11:48:00.000-08:00

To borrow a line from Patton Oswalt: You like Wolverine? Well, in my movie you get to see Wolverine as a little kid! Meanwhile, Stuart suggests an alternate Wolverine history of the United States, Elliott suggests some novel super-villains, Dan makes Elliott do a spit take, and contest winner Dash has the decency to be a really nice guy and not a serial killer we were foolish enough to let into the apartment.

0:00 - 0:32 - Introductions and Theme
0:33 - 1:37 - We introduce our special guest, Flop House contest winner Dash.
1:38 - 43:35 - As four comic book nerds, we find far too much to say about X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
43:46 - 45:55 - Final Judgments
45:56 - 51:55 - The sad bas tards recommend.
51:56 - 54:19 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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Wikipedia synopsis of X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Thanks again to our contest winner for coming out from New Jersey to Brooklyn to be on the show. He has A PODCAST OF HIS VERY OWN. It's called "We're Friends!" Why not check it out?

FLOP HOUSE SIDE PROJECT PLUG CORNER:

If you live in NYC, then you should come to the launch party for the all-new print humor magazine Whim Quarterly. Dan and Elliott have two pieces each in the inaugural issue, and both will be in attendance - Elliott onstage doing stand-up, and Dan at the bar taking advantage of the discount drinks.

Whim Quarterly Launch Party: Tuesday, December 15, 2009, 8:00pm - 10:00pm at the Three of Cups Lounge on 83 First Avenue, New York, NY (map)

The Flop House Movie Minute #33 - Writer's Guild

2009-12-06T08:38:00.000-08:00

Our most self-indulgent movie minute yet!

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Elliott in The Onion

2009-12-01T20:35:00.000-08:00

Check out this interview with Elliott from the NYC edition of The Onion (yes, that The Onion). He's talking about his 92Y screening series Closely Watched Films and not The Flop House, but it's Elliott and movies, so we here at the podcast count that as a win.

Flop House Fan Art Corner

2009-11-27T13:18:00.000-08:00

Flop House superfan Matt Carman came up with these horrifying images, depicting what the gang might look like in the hideous world of Delgo. Thanks (?) Matt, and know that if we end up dismembered in a ditch, with green makeup on, you're the first one the cops will visit.

"DANGO"

"ELLGO"

"STUART WELLGO"

The Flop House is Taking Thanksgiving Off

2009-11-27T12:58:00.000-08:00

No new show this week, but in the meantime why don't you enjoy this video from Flop House co-host Dan (and Flop guest host Matt Koff). You'll like it--it has a bunch of Thanksgiving stuff in it. And also vampires.

The Flop House: Episode #50 - Delgo

2009-11-22T10:09:00.000-08:00

When a podcast reaches a certain age--say 50--it may find itself susceptible to a midlife crisis. It might buy itself a shiny red convertible mixing board. It may dump one of its hosts for a hot young blonde. Or maybe it just regresses, with an animated kid's film like Delgo. Meanwhile, Elliott tries out some of his Jabberjaw molestation jokes, Dan reveals the surprising owners of the Delgo website, and Stuart is having none of it.

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme
0:35 - 3:40 - We devote a little time to patting ourselves on the back for reaching fifty episodes.
3:41 - 28:51 - We celebrate our fiftieth anniversary by discussing Delgo, the movie most likely to inspire blank stares in our audience, followed by the phrase "What the fuck's a Delgo?." Maybe we'll get our shit together for the 100th.
28:51 - 29:58 - Pause for station identification
29:59 - 35:55 - Final judgments
35:56 - 40:40 - Flop House Movie Mailbag, plus some discussion of a wacky cross-country adventure.
40:41 - 47:40 - The sad bastards recommend.
47:41 - 49:19 - Goodbyes, theme and outtakes.

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FLOP HOUSE SIDE PROJECT PLUG CORNER:

Elliott's next 92Y Tribeca screening: The Miracle of Morgan's Creek, with guest co-commentator, Kristen Schaal (The Daily Show, Flight of the Conchords). Wednesday, Dec. 2, at 8 pm - $12.

Dan's sketch group, Mr. Whitepants, at The Magnet Theater on Friday, Dec. 4, at 7 pm, AND at The Creek in Long Island City, on Saturday, Dec. 5, at 6 pm - Free!

Also: come see the Channel 101 NY Channy Awards at 8:30pm, Thursday, Dec. 10 at 92YTribeca ($6). Dan's webseries 9 AM Meeting was nominated for four Channys!

The bar of Stuart's heart and his favorite watering hole: Sharlene's. Stalk him after our recording sessions!